Films of the year (in unfashionable ascending order)

1. Toy Story 3 – you will cry so hard, you will shed tears of blood – the 3D glasses needed their own windscreen wipers. Pushes the boundaries of what a kid's movie can do.

2. A Prophet – a 2 ½ hour prison movie in French is a commitment (although hardly the life sentence of its central character)– but this electrifying, well-acted tale grips like a hangman's noose

3. Somewhere - Two parts cynical Hollywood survivor's commentary to one part heart warming father-daughter movie – after the substance-free Marie Antoinette, it's a return to form for Sofia Coppola's unique, quiet voice. And Stephen Dorff is hot.

"Stephen Dorff is hot"

4. Kick Ass – although initially borderline amoral (which actually proved more difficult to get over than I thought), this superhero movie is a perfectly balanced cocktail of the original and the familiar. And there are surprises at every turn.

5. Ponyo – more kiddy than we're used to, but this Miyazaki is still the most charming thing I saw all year. The opening twenty minutes are majestic.

"Majestic"

6. Inception – a blockbuster that didn't patronize the shit out of its audience. Accusations of po-faced smugness aren't without merit but this is thought-provoking, visually dazzling hokum of the highest order.

7. The Secret in their Eyes – suspend your disbelief and trust the director, and this will prove to be a bravura, head-swimmingly unpredictable shot of South-Americana.

8. The Illusionist – rarely has a movie captured time and place so well. Although Sylvain Chomet never quite knows how to present the central pair's relationship, the attention to detail here in unrivalled

"Unrivalled"

9. Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale - Completely bizarre and really quite creepy, this alternative Danish Christmas movie presents a League of Gentleman load of bewitching watchability.

10. Cherry Tree Lane - Pant shittingly tense home invasion movie. Like Funny Games without the lecturing – it's an exercise in pure, nasty, undiluted horror. I felt sick throughout – and, for that, it should be commended!

"I felt sick throughout"

Honourable mentions: The Social Network (a great piece of drama, which due to its 12A certificate lacked a certain edge), I Love You, Philip Morris (uneven but warm hearted and endlessly entertaining con movie), The Kids Are Alright (although a little light in places, this was an intelligent relationship drama for grown-ups) and A Single Man (beautifully acted and moving if a little too refined and sculpted for my liking)

And a happy new year to y'all ...

Happy birthday, Dr Jacoby

Russ Tamblyn, AKA Dr Lawrence Jacoby from David Lynch's Twin Peaks, is 76 today.

And, for your viewing pleasure ...

Do I disappoint you?

The most disappointing films of the year

Before we get to the best films of the year (which will be winging its way at ya on 31st Dec) I've compiled ... another list!

This year has been a year of promise unfulfilled. I really wanted a return to form from Woody Allen. What I got was Whatever Works. I was in the mood for a intelligent country-set drama with a long-legged, big bosomed leading actress. What I got was Tron: Legacy. Oh, and Tamara Drewe.

So, behold! And hold the complaints.

"Scott, what have you done?"

5. Scott Pilgrim – a sugar rush of visual wonderment, but the plodding and episodic nature of the plot, and the charisma vacuum of Michael Cera meant I crashed quite quickly.

"I'm sure there is a good film around here somewhere"

4. Whatever Works – good notices at festivals and the appearance of misanthrope-to-the-power-of-three Larry David. Film as bad as anything the Woodman has released in the last ten years.

"It's not that bad, don't take to drink"

3. Chico and Rita. About as sexy as a plate of chorizo, this Spanish animation was beautiful to look at and featured a great soundtrack but had a script which totally lacked personality.

"Don't cry, it's only the end of your career"

2. Life During Wartime. Todd Solondz continues pissing over his considerable contributions to indie cinema, with this anaemic retread of former glories

"How can we be so hot, but the film turn out so tepid?"

1. Tamara Drewe. Like being shouted at for two hours by Hyacinth Bucket – this terribly middle-class comedy had a few good performances but was eye-gougingly smug and irritating

Year in Review Part II: "Most inadvertently distracting thing of the year" award goes to …

Occasionally there's something in a movie which quite accidentally diverts attention from the plot/scene/hot guy. In a bad way. Don't think of the lizards in Bad Lieutenant, Port of Call: New Orleans, or the bat scene in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Think of Judi Dench's curious contribution to the Chronicles of Riddick or John Travolta's hairline in everything since Get Shorty.

This year's 'most inadvertently distracting thing of the year' award features, quite extraordinarily, two things from the same movie. Although Tron: Legacy was quite extraordinary, in many ways.

5. Catherine Zeta Jones emanating at least half a degree of warmth in The Rebound

4. Russell Crowe's accent accident in Robin Hood

3. The joyous rowing scene in the otherwise claustrophobic, tense The Social Network. A massive tonal mis-step.

2. The sober-as-cancer Tron: Legacy: for either its see-gee-aye-yai-yai Jeff Bridges or Michael Sheen's camp as Christmas Thin White Duke

1. The first murder in The Killer Inside Me. A scene of jarring, leering and tonally inappropriate violence in a creepy, but otherwise 15-certificated, movie. I didn't have an issue with any supposed misogyny (I didn't see any) or over-indulgence on the director's part. It just genuinely seemed to come from a different movie.

And the twist of the year goes to ...

Rare Exports.

And, to make it even better, the twist in this Finnish christmas movie/monster movie (and there's a description that I thought I'd never see) is NOT EVEN AT THE END.

*spoiler alert*

The guy you think is Father Christmas - who starts the film being dug up from the inside of a giant, frozen mountain (as you do) - is actually just one of santa's little helpers (albeit an old, bearded and quite naked helper).

And, in a genius plot development, Santa Clause is something far more frightening - he's something more akin to a queeen bee who needs to be dethawed by a village's worth of radiators. Christmas films have never been so sizzling.

Runner up:

Tough call, but it's got to be Adrien Brody's six pack in Predators. I didn't see that one coming. However, a pleasant surprise I'm sure you will agree ...

Snowbound.

Things to do when snowbound:

1. Watch films on your Sky Plus box. I watched Woody Allen's Another Woman (where did that come from? What a great movie! I want Gena Rowlands as dinner party guest now … she's still alive, right?) and The Wackness (less great … steeped in nostalgia and weed, in a bad way. Also, I did want to take a razor to [Sir] Ben Kinglsey's itchy scratchy goatee beard).
2. Clean the flat. I managed a bit of the kitchen. By a bit, I mean washing three or four glass tumblers up. And a plate.
3. Watch more stuff on the Sky Plus box. Rupert Goold's Macbeth proved too much of a faltering high-wire act between theatre, TV and film for me. Although Patrick Stewart broods up there with the best of them.
4. Then, at 6pm, realize you haven't done anything all day apart from sit around in your pants (and dressing gown, 'cos it's well cold innit) and furiously make yourself busy until your boyfriend comes back.
5. Furiously write a blog entry and finish that washing up.